"Hey how you going?"
with the truth e.g.
"Fucked actually. I haven't slept for four months, my lip has just erupted into a toxic volcano of a cold sore, my husband is wanking himself stupid over, well, every other female of any species but me and my toilet stinks of piss no matter what I do".
The correct response is 'Yeh cool, great actually thanks. You?' and so the cycle continues.
But today's spiel isn't about my toilet stinking of piss. No. It's about marriage..
Marriage. Could it be a hoax? We've all, as little girls, heard fairytales '...and they lived happily ever after' ad nauseum just before we've dropped off to sleep, smiling that one day our day will come. Silly thing is the tale shouldn't END there, it should start there "Once upon a time there was a man and a lady and they decided it would be nice to get married because, well, that's just what one does...".
No-one told me about the reality of marriage. That it isn;t just a one off commitment and off you go down the path of eternal love and joy. To be honest, I can't work out why men get married. They do it, nearly pass out uttering 'I do', enjoy, maybe the first year-ish and then spend the rest of their married days navigating (or not) their wifes' complex emotional needs whilst surpressing their urge (or not) to get with other chicks.
From what I've observed, blokes simply get over their wives sexually. They get tired of them and the same old shagging routine, and tired of her body which, as it ages and produces babies loses its hardness and suppleness, and so loses the interest of hubbybandido.
If you want my opinion, porn is up there in the top three possible culprits. I believe it works its way into the brains of our men so that what ends up being branded on their minds as beautiful and attractive is blonde, fake tit-ted, bleached arse holed chicks (who have probably been crying their eyes out in the bathroom right after they gave themselves an enema in readiness for the impending butt fuck scene).
And porn isn't just lurking out there somewhere in the background of the internet either, it's everywhere now and it's totally free. The flow on effect is that it desensitizes us to explicit visual stuff which can be evidenced every time you walk in a news agency or watch the television or read the papers who all celebrit-ize women who have done nothing worthy of their fame, holding up women who are totally physically faked out, yummy mummies, post baby bikini bodies .... these women are nothing to do with us. Nothing to do with us REAL women who are out there doing everything we can to keep our heads above water just maintaining harmony in the home, making sure we are providing a beautiful nurturing envirnment for our kids, our hubbies, ourselves. It ain't nothing to do with reality.
We have totally lost touch with it and the worst thing is, these women become like some kind of standard. A benchmark of ultimate beauty. For me, what is important is health. There is nothing like a good healthy, strong beautiful female body and to aim for that is a noble goal. What we see everywhere in the media however are bodies that are 'fixed' to fit kinda porn star templates.
As a young woman I rejected all that shit, absolutely. I did everything I could to express my rejection of female beauty ideals. Now as a married woman with a hubby who enjoys looking at young, beautiful women, I do find myself feeling inadequate next to them. My female psyche is under constant barrage from every angle, constantly struggling to retain self confidence in what I do have, trying to distance myself as a woman from these images for my sake and for my daughters'. It's not easy, it is constant and as I age is getting harder and harder.
I don't want to even be thinking about this stuff. There are way more important things to be thinking about, how to give back, contributing to the community in which we live and work, raising aware, healthy children and as a middle aged woman drawing on life's experiences to become wiser and more rounded.
Maybe the current model of marriage needs to be revised? Do our husbands suffer from 'wife fatigue'? Are we really cut out for this long term monogamous stuff? I believe yes to each of these questions. I wonder where we go from here...
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